As we have discussed in other sections of this site, Collaborative Divorce is a new interdisciplinary, team process that is developing to assist, in the resolution of disputes arising out of divorce, separation, child custody & access, maintenance, and asset division.

In this process the parties and their lawyers work together using non-adversarial techniques and cooperative strategies to negotiate a fair settlement without resort to costly litigation and other adversarial processes.

The Collaborative process is based on certain understandings of how we, has human beings, develop and function. The following is a description of the foundation upon which Collaborative Divorce is based.


Beliefs

"Every person is the creation of himself, the image of his own thinking and believing. As individuals think and believe, so they are." Claude M. Bristol

All of us hold different beliefs and attitudes about conflict which affect the way we relate to people around us and the way we respond when we feel under attack or threatened. They also affect our perceptions of the world we live in and the people to whom we relate.


Patterns & Habits

These beliefs were often formed when we were quite young and over time we have developed patterns of behaviour based on these beliefs. These patterns become habits and we continue to act automatically in tune with these habits, regardless of how effective they are. Often we do not even perceive them as habits.

As this process continues we are caught in a circle of beliefs leading to perceptions leading to habits of behavior, leading to conflict, which elicits a response from others, which leads to a reinforcement of our original beliefs and attitudes.


Styles of Conflict

"As long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down, so it means you cannot soar as you otherwise might." Marian Anderson

As this process continues we subconsciously develop a style of conflict which becomes a part of us. Sometimes these patterns of behaviour are effective and this reinforces our belief that our method of dealing with conflict is an effective one. However, there are many times that our habitual behaviors will provoke unwanted responses from others and leave us confused and dissatisfied with the outcome.

There are a variety of different styles of dealing with conflict to which our beliefs about conflict can lead. These styles in general break down into two different patterns - adversarial or cooperative. The style which we choose creates an environment within our interaction with others takes place and leads to differing responses from others.

If our approach is adversarial in nature, the environment tends to be low in trust and based on a need for power. This often leads the other person to become defensive and rigid and adversarial as well thus reinforcing our original beliefs.

If our approach is cooperative or collaborative the environment often becomes more peaceful and comfortable, allowing the other party to be more open and flexible, leading to a greater willingness to resolve the conflict rather than exacerbate it.


The Collaborative Approach

"The minute a person whose word means a great deal to others dares to take the open-hearted and courageous way, many others follow." Marian Anderson

The Collaborative Divorce Process is based upon the belief that while conflict is inevitable in a changing world and is, in fact part of the ongoing cycle of change, it is best to establish a cooperative approach to conflict resolution.

Many conflicts that are left unresolved could have been resolved by the collaborative approach. The underlying assumption of this process is that the relationship between people is affected positively or negatively by the quality of their interactions and the cooperative or collaborative approach improves the quality of those interactions.

The collaborative approach to conflict aims to shortcircuit our old patterns of behaviour and encourage and understanding and empathic approach to conflict resolution. This calls for a paradigm shift.